Love, Lies & Legacy- chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
I went upstairs to my room and turned on my laptop that was in my bag. Miles borrowed it from me and just returned it this morning. I felt completely insane. I knew my fling with Miles would not last and it was selfish of me to start it but I was still mad. I did not know if I was mad at myself for even thinking of dating Miles again or mad at Miles for being such a coward.
I turned on my Itunes and shuffled the songs. I felt that the only way to calm me down is my music. Music has always been me remedy throughout my whole life.
As I lay on my bed trying to rinse out anything that reminded me of Miles, I came across a song in laptop. It wasn't a full song; it was a beat without anyone singing. It started with the beautiful sound of a piano.
I do not remember having the song in my Itunes. But if I received songs threw email, it will instantly upload into my Itunes. It turns out the song came with a message from Jesse.
Dear Sienna,
I hope you have gotten my previous emails. Are you so tied up on schoolwork that you do not have time to reply my emails? Anyway, I was thinking of you the other day and came up with this tune on my piano. I mixed it with a few different sounds. I just could not come up with any words to put into the songs so I decided to give it to you.
This beat is made especially for you and I hope you do miracles with it. I know this may sound a little strange but every time I think of you this beat pops up in my head. It has a sort of innocence that best describes you. Send me the finishing product if you're done. I really miss you, Sienna.
Sincerely,
Jesse.
I checked the recycling bin and found a dozen messages from Jesse. Did Miles actually delete my messages? That made me even angrier. I was mad at Valerie for being such a bitch, angry with Miles for being a wimp and angry with me for even thinking of getting back with Miles in the first place.
I lay in bed that night listening to the song Jesse made for me. Then for some weird reason, I started to cry. I felt like I hated the whole world. So in situations like this, when there is no one to comfort you and music does not help, I pour out my feeling on pieces of paper.
I cried and wrote everything on my mind that night. The anger, the pain and the disappointment were completely unbearable to me. That night I cried myself to sleep for the first time.
The next morning, I woke up feeling like an emotional roller coaster. I found my expressive pieces of paper crumpled beside me. My laptop was still on and Jesse's song was still playing.
I got dress and took a good look at the papers I wrote the previous night. I came up with a rhythm and sang the words I wrote. Then I sang it with Jesse's beat. It worked harmoniously together. So I rearrange the words, recorded it with my MAC mixer and sent the song to Jesse.
As I hear myself from my computer, I tried to take in the words and the beat. This song is so personal to me, my first song that really means something to me.
I spent the whole day, wasting my time lying in bed trying to gain some confidence or the strength to wake up from this world of despair. I gave up crying because I know that does not work. I felt so numb inside that I could not even think straight. Then my cell phone rang. At first I didn't want to pick up but when I saw who was calling, I felt relieved.
Julez just finished a gig at The House of Blues. She called to check up on me. From the tone of my voice, she already knew that something was wrong. So I told her everything and she listened attentively to my problem.
"You know, there is no point mopping around your house for nothing. Yeah I know it hurts but you have to move on," she said on the phone.
"What do you want me to do?" I said.
"I want you to get up and go out! You're a beautiful girl; don't waste all of that beauty by staying at home. Go shopping or take a stroll at
"How will going out help me?" I asked stupidly.
"Babe, you are totally damaged! Remind me when I get to
"I'll give it a thought," I said half-heartedly.
"Ok, I know I can't be there personally to cheer you up and I'm really sorry for that but you can't stay depress forever. I don't like it when you're like this," she said calmly.
"It's not your fault you can't be here. You're entertaining the world. I understand that. Don't worry, I'll be okay," I assured her. Well I guess I would be ok.
"No you won't be ok if you're alone. I've got an idea; you stay in the house for today and don't go anywhere. I'm going to send you a package," she said enthusiastically.
"First you tell me to leave the house and now you're telling me to stay and what package are you sending me?" I asked, a little anticipated.
"Oh you'll see…. I'll talk to you later, babe."
"All right, see you when you're in town. Bye," I said and the call ended. In my mind, I kept thinking what she is going to send to me. After talking to Julez, I felt a little better but not completely.
After channel surfing, downloading songs, cleaning my room, which does not need much cleaning anyway, I lay on my bed trying to make some sense in my mind. Julez was right I need to move on. Then suddenly I heard a knock on my door.
"Package delivery for Sienna Carlson," someone said. It was totally weird, who sends personal packages to their room? I opened the door and was greeted with a familiar smile.
"Miss me?" Jesse said charmingly. I was so happy to see him that the first thing I did was hug him. He hugged me back and the warmness of his body almost healed me.
"Are you ok, Sienna?" he asked concerned, as I let go of him.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"No, first we need to talk about you. I got your song and I sensed something is not right," he said as I sat cross-legged on my bed while he sat next to me.
"How did you know about that? Did Julez tell you?"
"Julez told me that you write your songs according to how you feel. You experience an emotion then you write a song about it because you've felt it before. When I heard 'If Its Alright' I knew something was wrong. Lucky me, I came to
"So Julez didn't tell you anything?"
"Actually she did. She called me earlier and told me about your condition. She's really worried and she feels terrible that she can't be here. So she told me to meet you."
"So you're my special package?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I am. So are you ok? Seriously?" he asked while holding my hand.
"Truthfully, I felt a lot better when I saw you smiling by my door," I said while trying not to melt with the touch of his hand.
"I'm glad to here that. Anything else I could do to help bring back that adorable smile?" he asked politely. I looked at him for a while. Now here was a guy who is handsome and actually has a heart and doesn't let his sister control his love life. I then came closer and gave him another hug.
"I miss you," I whispered to him.
"I miss you too," he said back. I let go of him and gave him a smile.
"Take me out?" I asked childishly.
"Wherever you want to go."
So Jesse and I ended up taking a stroll around
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